This is gonna hurt!
This is gonna hurt!
I’ve had some minor accidents since we started this, mostly cuts and scratches here and there but this is potentially the worst accident I have ever had on this whole build. My back hurts, my arse is bruised, the purple and yellow graze making its way up my right leg is looking angrier by the day and I still can’t quite believe I was not only able to walk it off and get another three hours of work done but that I was able to drive home afterwards! I’ve been whingeing about my injury for three days now and every morning brings a new ache and pain. My mother in law has helpfully brought some strong painkillers which she had lying around and given how I feel right now, she could have got them from the cast of Trainspotting and I’d still chomp them down without question. So, I should probably at this point, explain what I’ve done and why the build is going to have to take a back burner for a week or two.
If you’ve ever watched the chuckle brothers or any comedy from the 80s, someone usually falls down a hole and me alone on a building site when I’m already 8 hours into a day’s work, tired, filthy, sweating and feeling motivated but not entirely switched on, I start to resemble one of those characters. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve really enjoyed working on the hall but I don’t always recognise when I’ve overdone it and could do with a break. So, after deciding to fix the squeaky, bouncy floorboards in what would become the kitchen, I pulled two of them up to have a good look at the problem.
This is where it got a bit painful. See, the one thing you forget about when taking up floorboards is it usually leaves a bit of a gap where there used to be a floor (..or is that just me?). So after picking up the second floorboard and struggling to find a place to put it down, I decided it might be better on the other side of the room whereby I stepped backwards, my foot reaching and swirling to find the ground that was no longer there and then in an instant, the recognition of what I’d just done flashes through my brain and my whole body prepares itself for a real hammering.
The feel of the rough wood dragging along my leg is really painful but I know I’m still moving and the worst is probably yet to come…and as it does 16 stones worth of muscle, bone and kitkat investment slams my coccyx into the chunky oak floor joist, protruding rusty nails and all, but we’re not quite finished yet. Although my arse and the gap are roughly the same width, it only serves to slow me down, so it’s down to my elbows and rib cage to prevent me from falling completely under the floor. The foot which didn’t fall is now just above chest level forcing me into a very much not-warmed-up version of the splits and the floorboard (which, to my credit I didn’t drop!) comes down violently at its edge across my fingers.
At first I can’t seem to move and I instantly crap myself (not literally) thinking I’ve done something to my spine, but the pain slowly starts to circulate, my muscles start to work again and I slowly drag myself, battered and bruised out of the gap and onto my knees cursing my own stupidity.
Somewhat amazingly, I feel absolutely zero damage to the twig and giggle-berries! So you know …every cloud!
I’m on my second cup of coffee before I’ve built up the courage to get started again as I look at the hole as if it’s got it in for me but I can’t leave it like that. It’s clearly not safe, so I give myself another looking over and after finding some more bits bleeding, I patch myself up and carry on. It’s a floorboard after all, not a maths exam and if nothing else, I’ll get to spend the next few hours smashing at it with a hammer and nails to get my own back.
Anyway, long story short, the floor is fixed and I’m feeling a bit broken.